Catching Up

Having a baby forces me to live in the moment.

I don't have the luxury any more of languidly considering what I have to do for the day.  Every second is a precious opportunity wasted--even if the opportunity is to enjoy what I'm eating or thumb through a Pottery Barn catalog.

I am constantly having to remind myself that there is no abstract point in the near or distant future where I will kick back, sigh happily, and say, "Ah, yes.  Here at last.  Everything is DONE."  Not only is thinking like that going to make me miss the living that is happening right now, but it will discourage me with feelings of inadequacy because I cannot and never will catch up.

So what I have to do is to focus on what I am doing now.  When it is time to move on, move on.  Don't think about the fact that I haven't executed a task to perfection or to my liking.  Do it, do the best I can, then leave it.

My life unfolds in breathless gasps of activities--changing the baby, running to use the bathroom before he knocks over the bookshelf, fixing him breakfast while trying to take my daily vitamins, catching his bowl before it splatters oatmeal on the floor, holding him at arm's length and hosing him down in the bathtub, descending the stairs again with a huge toddler in one arm and a pile of library books in the other, printing worksheets for tutoring and dashing out the door to pick my husband up from work--and I just have to dive in.  Don't think.  Just do.  When done, move on to the next task.

As long as my baby is happy,  healthy, and feels loved, I can sleep well at night.  Even if it is in the midst of a minefield of discarded laundry.